Recently, following the death of my brother, my only sibling, I had to go through my parents’ home in Illinois. Bro had continued to live in this home, the final resident of the place I referred to as “The House That Time Forgot” (THTTF). Despite the oppressive heat and humidity of a Chicago summer, I forced myself to make my way through the musty rooms of THTTF. One reason for this moniker is that unbeknownst to me, living in another state, many basic upkeep functions of the building had been slighted or utterly ignored. THTTF wasn’t exactly the type of home displayed on A&E’s Hoarders, yet it soon became obvious that all the tales I had been told by Bro regarding his work in keeping up the house were far from factual. I wondered what he really had done in the interim years between my mother’s passing and his. I could tell that he spent an inordinate amount of time reliving the past, not just his past but our past, in fact, the past of everyone’ who had inhabited or visited THTTF over 60+ years.
Looking out the windows at the derelict landscaping brought back a flood of memories and made me feel that I was aging rapidly on the spot. I suppose the most curious idea that churned around in my sweating head was why Bro chose to retain certain items of historical family interest.. In almost every room were tokens or symbols of his personality, his own reflected image in the world, his sense of self, of personal importance. These tokens must have been considered somewhat sacred since he had lived a relatively reclusive life. Oddly, the things I imagined he would have vested with value were instead covered in dust and stacked in corners like cords of firewood.
Homes are where we live but workplaces . . . …hmm, workplace are where we must spend most of the day. After reflecting on Bro’s tokens, the insight came to me: Taking note of co-workers’ tokens—the items that practically scream “this is who I am,” “this is what I find important,” “this is how I will interact with you”—could make teamwork easier and even be valuable in addressing in-house dilemmas. An example that comes to mind is one shared recently at a professional conference dealing with workplace investigations (which I also perform). The trainer explained that in the course of his investigation involving a series of thefts, his standard procedure included observing employees’ workstations. One employee proudly displayed a photo of a party scene in which she and friends were obviously enjoying a particular illegal substance that would be too costly for the employee to afford on her salary. Very shortly after making this observation, the investigator brought the search for the workplace thief to a successful conclusion.
The lesson? Get to know your fellow workers better by observing and engaging them about their tokens. If tokens are important enough to be displayed, they are imbued with meaning. Once you understand those meanings, you will have a much better idea of what is important to people—how they embrace, fight, or flee the world. Since knowledge is power, understanding the meaning of tokens and choices will give you insights about how to engage successfully with others and to resolve conflicts that arise. Being perceived as a resolver of conflict gives YOU power.
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